Heartbreaks and forgiveness

I am a human, a person who gets hurt, who cries , who laughs, smiles and do all these. I have been hurt by others , but more than that , i have blamed myself for hurting them ( even if i have said the truth), but most of all for letting them get to me. The first instinct that I get is to protect myself from all of this. By doing so, I have somewhat developed a thicker skin ,more like a metal or an armour. And I have made my heart to become colder than ever before. It's as if I am immune to this. But what it did was that it made me feel numb. It made me carry weight that I no longer needed. It made me rigid. All these feelings had put on a veil in front of my eyes and I no longer saw the beauty in the world. I have had my heart broken lots of times and no not by any guy. I have had it broken by people whom I have trusted and invested my time in, people who are no longer a part of my life.I have wasted my time and energy to fit in but I simply felt left out. And I have said and heard things in return until one day I stopped it all. Others might say she turned her back on us but whatever kind of relation that I had with them no longer fed my soul and all it did was impart more pain and hatred. And I have walked away. And I have never forgiven myself for letting others treat me in such a way. And it's time that I forgive myself and others.