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What went down

Hey there, I know it's been a while since I have been active here, but a lot of things went down. For all that has happened, I am eternally grateful. Well, I will give you a brief summary of what went down.
Went home, came back to the place that I am currently residing in, changed rooms, met a lot of cool people(I mean really cool people who just vibes with you. I really missed this during my school and college years), laughed a ton, cried a bit, fought a bit too, realized that nothing is ever really perfect when its happening but it is perfect when you look back and  learned to live in the moment. I hope you all are doing well, have a great day. If you took time to read it this far, thank you.
Listening to Not gonna break me by Jamie N Commons

It's been a while since I could say this

I have cried in my trial rooms. I have looked at myself and asked why I looked like this. I have been on diet many times, all the while hating my body. I have body shamed myself and have been by others. In my memory, I have only been proud of my body twice, TWICE. The first time was when I took up swimming lessons. I loved swimming and loved being in the water. I was proud of my body then.  The second time is now. I am comfortable in my own skin. I don't have that constant need to be small and to make myself fit into something that was not made for me to be in. I love my body and to be able to say that is a big thing. Today I went and tried on clothes. Some of the clothes were too small and some too big And what I noticed today is that I didn't cry when something didn't fit me and I didn't say hateful things to my body. Instead, I looked at myself and said that I was proud of myself and my body.

For now, in my dreams

I remember praying to God to not take my Great Grandmother away from us when she was in her final stage of life.  As a kid you don't, know much about death or to say goodbye to someone forever. I don't think I can quite comprehend that fact as an adult. The end of 2017 was rough, it was beyond anything that our family has ever faced. I lost my Grandfather and this loss will never really fade with time. Yes, the pain eases, you move on with life but that loss is always going to be there. You never forget them, how can you? , you hold on to the memories that they have left you till you see them again. On the day he passed away I remember waking up to my dog barking and praying to make him better like that little kid used to pray.  You really don't put a timeline on a person. As you grow up you know that life and death are all some process that happens in the universe. But you really don't believe it or accept the fact that one day you have to say goodbye to them.  I dre…

Embracing it

It's day four since I have been away from my home and my loved ones .Do I love it here? Yeah. Do I miss home? Tremendously. Am I embracing the change? Little bit. Everything takes it's own time .I learned that little things brings joy, little things like a cup of coffee or tea( funny thing is that a cup of coffee or tea here is equivalent to having it in a shot glass), sitting alone on the terrace staring at the night sky and city lights. I'm trying to embrace the change rather than to fight it. I miss my people and then again these are all the parts of life. That's it for now. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Try anyway

Today I tried to paint. I am someone who doesn't know how to draw or paint but nevertheless, I tried.  Blue was the colour that I was drawn to. I took a paper out of my sister's drawing book and I started to paint. I kept questioning myself if I knew what I was doing or if its worth it. As usual, doubt filled my mind. I knew that I didn't know how to draw or paint but I had this urge to complete something, to create something. I wanted to paint so badly. So, I painted. I chose red, green and yellow along the way. I wanted to paint the entire paper blue solely because I  loved it. There is no prize, nothing at the end other than the feeling that I created something, something that is for my eyes only and something that I appreciated. Often time we keep ourselves from doing things because we are not good at it or because we are afraid that it might not be perfect. Do something that you have always wanted to do, today. It will be worth the time. Listening to Billy Joel while…

New Journeys

Days are passing by, time keeps on flowing. I count the days till I go to that unknown land. It's close, yet it's far away. There is that excitement, the anxiety, the sadness, the tingling feeling of happiness. Each of these feelings fills my heart from time to time. Anxiety comes to visit me, making sure I'm not over the moon all the time. Sadness creeps up my heart, it reminds me of the comfort of my home, of going away from my loved ones and yet I want to do it. The feeling of being somewhere that you have never been is something else. You try to make the uncomfortable, comfortable, you try to find comfort in the uncomfortable. You take care of yourself, you meet new people. I'm open to all this. I write this while listening to Tom Rosenthal's- going to be wonderful and I hope it's going to be just that. I wish you all a wonderful day.

Something that i wanted to share

I see everything differently and I know that seems weird, but I like that. When I look at anything, its as if my eyes have some sort of filter to make it more beautiful than before and this fills my heart with happiness. Whenever I write the word "happiness", I catch myself smiling. It's as if that word instantly fills my heart with gratitude and love and for that moment I am happy, I am grateful. I hope when you get to read this, it will put a smile on your face too and your heart sing with happiness. I'm not very good with titles, I hope you forgive me.