ontherocks

Today I tried to paint. I am someone who doesn't know how to draw or paint but nevertheless, I tried.  Blue was the colour that I was drawn to. I took a paper out of my sister's drawing book and I started to paint. I kept questioning myself if I knew what I was doing or if its worth it. As usual, doubt filled my mind. I knew that I didn't know how to draw or paint but I had this urge to complete something, to create something. I wanted to paint so badly. So, I painted. I chose red, green and yellow along the way. I wanted to paint the entire paper blue solely because I  loved it. There is no prize, nothing at the end other than the feeling that I created something, something that is for my eyes only and something that I appreciated. Often time we keep ourselves from doing things because we are not good at it or because we are afraid that it might not be perfect. Do something that you have always wanted to do, today. It will be worth the time. Listening to Billy Joel while...

Days are passing by, time keeps on flowing. I count the days till I go to that unknown land. It's close, yet it's far away. There is that excitement, the anxiety, the sadness, the tingling feeling of happiness. Each of these feelings fills my heart from time to time. Anxiety comes to visit me, making sure I'm not over the moon all the time. Sadness creeps up my heart, it reminds me of the comfort of my home, of going away from my loved ones and yet I want to do it. The feeling of being somewhere that you have never been is something else. You try to make the uncomfortable, comfortable, you try to find comfort in the uncomfortable. You take care of yourself, you meet new people. I'm open to all this. I write this while listening to Tom Rosenthal's- going to be wonderful and I hope it's going to be just that. I wish you all a wonderful day.

I see everything differently and I know that seems weird, but I like that. When I look at anything, its as if my eyes have some sort of filter to make it more beautiful than before and this fills my heart with happiness. Whenever I write the word "happiness", I catch myself smiling. It's as if that word instantly fills my heart with gratitude and love and for that moment I am happy, I am grateful. I hope when you get to read this, it will put a smile on your face too and your heart sing with happiness. I'm not very good with titles, I hope you forgive me.

I want to write more about what I feel. I feel as though, one needs to filter out emotions to the minimum,  you can't be too sad or you can't be too happy. I feel as though what I write is too, too much or too, too little.  So, I'm going to ignore that and write what I want about what makes me happy, what makes me sad and everything in between. 

I am filled with words. I am overflowing with thoughts.  There is so much that I want to let out,  to say. I cannot seem to find the perfect words. I am not sad. I am elated. I am excited. The wind is blowing and the sails are high. A new energy just shifted in me. The words that I have shut a long time ago, seems to want to come out and play. I want this feeling to last. But yet, I would not have noticed this, if I had not known what feeling low would be. I don't know/have all the answers to my life. I don't know which path to take but it seems I have already chosen it. I am not certain about tomorrow. I cannot predict what happens an hour or a minute or a second after this. But I am certain of this, of what I am feeling NOW. My heart is filled with nothing but happiness. I am happy. I hope you get to feel this too.